We have updated our Privacy Policy Please take a moment to review it. By continuing to use this site, you agree to the terms of our updated Privacy Policy.

Read an extract from Payday: Alex

Character silhouette and packshot with quote
Related Categories: Little Brown Book Group Extract, Uncategorized
Related Tags: , ,

Alex

Whatever Jamie said in response made Joyce laugh in an uncharacteristically girlish way, reminding Alex that Jamie’s  appeal was always broader than she imagined. Was it his pretty- boy looks, still there beneath the extra stone he now
carried around his jowls and waist? The height from which he inclined his head to hold your gaze that bit too long? The
marauding smile that made you feel lucky to be in on the joke with him. Alex wasn’t sure. But she’d seen everyone
from Botoxed businesswomen to chippy millennials get giggly after a few minutes with Jamie.

For her, at least, her boss’s appeal had always been clear: Jamie saw you. Which sounded stupid, but over the years
Alex had worked for men and women who managed to spend eight hours a day looking over and to either side of
her. And from the moment Jamie had beckoned Alex into his office for an interview just over a year ago, she’d felt more substantial: a real person with opinions and stories worth listening to.

‘Al!’ Here he was now, slow- motion jogging across the floor towards her. Out of the corner of her eye Alex saw
women’s bodies straighten and fingers comb through hair.

‘Look at you. And look at you!’

Peering down at Katie, still in Joyce’s arms, Jamie pulled a goofy face.

‘Want a cuddle?’

‘Thought you’d never ask.’

‘Not me, silly – Katie!’ Alex laughed, and it felt good to have slipped back into their old banter.

Jamie held up his hands, regretful. 

‘Best not – been shaking hands with developers all morning. And we know what a grubby bunch that lot are. There  isn’t enough hand sanitiser in the world. But Al, she’s so tiny! How much did she weigh? Elsa’s a great big lump.’

‘Five pounds, seven ounces – so yeah, on the small side. Elsa looks such a sweetie, Jamie. So blonde! Congrats.’

They nodded at one another, both conscious that baby talk could only be extended so long – and that this wasn’t the real reason Alex was here.

‘How’s Maya getting on?’

‘Great, great . . . you know. It’s easier second time around.’

Joyce had somehow managed to stem Katie’s tears, and as all three gazed down at her gurgling daughter Alex
felt the knot of tension in her stomach relax for the first time that day.

‘She really is gorgeous, Al. Nicely done.’

Glancing down at the pale circle of skin on his right wrist where his watch had once been – a TAG Heuer anniversary
present from his wife that had caused them both a few sleepless nights when he lost it – Jamie motioned towards his
office with his chin. ‘Want to pop in here for a quick chat?’

‘Sure.’

Alex was struggling not to smile. The whole thing was so transparent. They could have had this conversation on
the phone, without poor Ashley peering in at them from her desk and fearing the worst. But she couldn’t lie: the idea of Jamie feeling nervous about their meeting, maybe even rehearsing the speech that might entice her back – that part
Alex was enjoying. With a mouthed ‘thank you’ she took Katie back in her arms.

But Jamie wasn’t moving. ‘Do you want to –’ he scratched at the back of his head, eyes on Katie ‘– maybe leave her
with Joyce?’

‘Don’t worry.’

‘Really? Might be easier if . . . ’

‘Jamie!’ Alex laughed, starting towards his office. ‘Relax, she’ll be fine.’

The last time she’d sat in here, on the anthracite Roche Bobois sofa that was her boss’s pride and joy, Alex had been
feeling a different kind of nervy. Worried about breaking the news of her pregnancy to Jamie and pleased for the first
time in her life to have the extra weight to hide behind, she’d left it later than she should have to tell him. But on a quiet
Wednesday afternoon at just over five months gone, Alex had blurted it out as he was dictating a portfolio report. It
had been an accident, she’d stammered, conscious as she did so both that this was too much information and that it wasn’t entirely true. And even though she hadn’t planned to end up a single mum at twenty- nine, Alex had assured Jamie, she was planning to get good childcare sorted early on and be back at work as soon as possible. Her only mistake had been assuming that Jamie already knew, from either Hayden or the office grapevine, the identity of the father.

‘Hayden?’ A flash of something between amused incredulity and annoyance. ‘Our Hayden?’

It had come across as ‘my mate Hayden’. ‘Sorry. I thought you knew.’

Jamie’s smile was tight. ‘Because?’

‘Well, I know you two are . . . close.’ Picking at the varnish on her thumbnail, Alex had pushed on. ‘And people,
I mean – well they seem to know about us. Although I did try and—’

‘Great.’ Jamie had sat back hard in his chair. ‘Well in answer to your question: no, I didn’t know.’

Alex had been taken aback by her boss’s reaction before remembering how much he hated being kept out of the loop
on anything BWL- related.

‘When I say “people”, I don’t mean it’s—’ 

‘Honestly, I’m just surprised you waited this long to tell me.’ He’d cut her off. ‘You say you’re five months?’

As his eyes had dropped down to her belly, Alex stifled the shades of shame she felt, as though they’d been zapped back a century and she were some loose woman bringing them all into disrepute.

‘Yes. A little over.’

‘And Hayden – how does he feel about this?’

‘We’re not actually . . . together.’

Alex was aware that men didn’t tend to discuss their personal lives in the forensic way women did but couldn’t help
feeling a little stung that Hayden hadn’t even mentioned their relationship – or its demise – in passing. ‘But listen,
if you’re worried about any weirdness in the office, please don’t be. We’re both grown- ups, and it won’t affect my work
in any way moving forward, Jamie. I can promise you that. I love this job,’ she’d ended, breathless at this point. ‘And I
hope you know that I’ll always go above and beyond for you.’

After a slight pause, Jamie had been quick to reassure her that he did (‘everyone knows you’re a machine, Al – and you know I’d be lost without you’). He’d seemed surprised but relieved too that she had her return date already worked out, and grateful when the handover came that Alex had been as thorough as she had. And yet despite the comprehensive file she’d put together and the full afternoon she’d insisted on spending with Ashley, she had left unconvinced her cover was anywhere near as adept at the software BWL relied upon as she should be. Which seemed as good a place as any to start their conversation today: Jamie looked like he needed a little prompting.

‘Listen, I meant it when I said that I was around to help with anything Ashley didn’t quite get, Jamie. I know she was
struggling a bit with the intranet.’

‘Alex,’ Jamie cut in, passing a hand over his forehead. ‘The problem isn’t Ashley. The problem’s you.’

Hoisting Katie to her shoulder, Alex began to rub her daughter’s back. There had been no signs of gassiness, but
Alex was aware of a pressing need to do something with her hands – pretend, at least, that all peripheral sight and hearing hadn’t been blocked out, with only the words Jamie’s lips were forming in her tunnel line of vision. And a memory chimed somewhere deep within her. Bad news, life- changing news, delivered oh so matter- of- factly by a man: you always guessed it a millisecond before – just as she guessed it now.

‘Alex, we’re going to have to let you go.’

British journalist Celia Walden’s bestselling debut thriller is a thrilling, searing examination of sexual harassment and the messy nuances of justice. Payday is out now in hardback, ebook and audiobook or you can pre-order your paperback copy below.