Carl Hiaasen - Assume the Worst - Little, Brown Book Group

Time remaining

  • -- days
  • -- hours
  • -- minutes
  • -- seconds
Other Formats
  • Hardback
    More information
    • ISBN:9780751574166
    • Publication date:10 Apr 2018

Assume the Worst

By Carl Hiaasen

  • E-Book
  • £P.O.R.

From bestselling comic crime writing genius Carl Hiaasen comes a beautiful illustrated book of a spoof graduation speech telling us all the real story of what happens when you enter the world of adults.

This is the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it.

"This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning."

So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: nobody.

Illustrated by bestselling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner Roz Chast, this book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

Biographical Notes

Carl Hiaasen was born and raised in Florida, where he still lives. He is a prize-winning journalist with a regular column in the Miami Herald and many articles in varied magazines. He started writing crime fiction in the early 1980s and has recently branched out into children's books; he has also had several works of non-fiction published.

  • Other details

  • ISBN: 9780751574159
  • Publication date: 10 Apr 2018
  • Page count:
  • Imprint: Sphere
Constable

Woke

Titania McGrath
Authors:
Titania McGrath
Running Press Mini Editions

Finger Log Rolling

Alan Goldsher
Authors:
Alan Goldsher

Challenge your friends to a competition of skill and speed with Finger Log Rolling! A lumberjack's favorite sport, you can test your finger endurance and try to be the last one standing to claim the title of "Log Rolling Champion." This kit includes:Hollowed base to fill with water4" mini logTwo pairs of finger shoes32-page illustrated mini book with history, log rolling techniques, and the rules of the game

Running Press Mini Editions

UFO Cow Abduction

Matt Smiriglio
Authors:
Matt Smiriglio
Running Press Mini Editions

Phrenology Cat

Marlo Scrimizzi
Authors:
Marlo Scrimizzi
Grand Central Publishing

Welcome to the Future Which Is Mine

Elon Musk, Scott Dikkers
Authors:
Elon Musk, Scott Dikkers
Sphere

Sam Kills Christmas

Thomas Ridgewell, Dorina Herdewijn
Contributors:
Thomas Ridgewell, Dorina Herdewijn
Corsair

The 10 Commandments

A surprising, informative, enlightening and at times outrageous must have guide to life from the world's most famous rock stars. Together with the finest selection from the Qmagazine archives and new unseen material, TEN COMMANDMENTS presents ten rules for life from fifty musicians.'Thou shalt not play golf.' BONO'Painting is good for the soul.' IGGY POP 'A sexy man is one who looks after his family.' TORI AMOS'Snakes are built for the Summer.' ALICE COOPER'Make like a boy scout.' STEVIE NICKS'Do as Madonna says.' NILE RODGERS'Always be honest to your wife.' JOHN LYDON'Check the caffeine content.' JOHNNY MARR

Virago

I Might Regret This

Abbi Jacobson
Authors:
Abbi Jacobson

***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER***From the co-creator and co-star of the hit series Broad City, a hilarious and poignant collection about love, loss, work, comedy and figuring out who you really are when you thought you already knew.When Abbi Jacobson announced to friends and acquaintances that she planned to drive across the country alone, she was met with lots of questions and opinions: Why wasn't she going with friends? Wouldn't it be incredibly lonely? The North route is better! Was it safe for a woman? The Southern route is the way to go! You should bring mace! And a common one . . . why? But Abbi had always found comfort in solitude, and needed space to step back and hit the reset button. As she spent time in each city and town on her way to Los Angeles, she mulled over the big questions - What do I really want? What is the worst possible scenario in which I could run into my ex? How has the decision to wear my shirts tucked in been pivotal in my adulthood? In this collection of anecdotes, observations and reflections - all told in the sharp, wildly funny and relatable voice that has endeared Abbi to critics and fans alike - readers will feel like they're in the passenger seat on a fun and, ultimately, inspiring journey. With some original illustrations by the author.

Sphere

Emergency Questions

Richard Herring
Authors:
Richard Herring

THE FUNNIEST BOOK OF THE YEAR. GUARANTEED TO TURN AN AWKWARD SILENCE INTO AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION.'Ridiculously funny and (unexpectedly) genuinely useful' ADAM KAY'A perfect way to pretend you're interested in people you're not that interested in' KATHY BURKE'Most of this book is pointless filth, all of it is hilarious, and my answer to question 715(a) is "Yes thank you and it was very tasty"' DAWN FRENCHIf you had to wear somebody's guts for garters - if you had to - who would you disembowel in order to facilitate your socks staying up?What do you consider your median achievement?Would you rather have pubic hair made of unremovable barbed wire or to be attacked by a rabid badger in your sleep once a week?We've all been there. Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Well, fear the excruciation no more, as Richard Herring's EMERGENCY QUESTIONS is about to change your life. Containing 1,001 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who've appeared on his podcast, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights.'Of all the clever people I know, Richard is the stupidest. And of all the stupid people I know, Richard is the cleverest. That's why this is such a brilliant book for everyone' RICHARD OSMAN'Perhaps if Michael Parkinson had asked Mohammad Ali if he'd ever seen a Bigfoot he might be remembered as a great interviewer. Instead it is Richard Herring who has perfected the art of creating funny, interesting and offensive questions that will supercharge even the dullest encounter' ADAM BUXTON'Richard Herring bullied me into claiming this book, which I haven't yet read, is brilliant' CHARLIE BROOKER

Hachette Audio

The Guilty Feminist

Deborah Frances-White
Authors:
Deborah Frances-White

'This really is the "everything you have always wanted to know about feminism but were afraid to ask" manual. From a mind as lucid and witty as it is kind and empathetic comes essential reading for the planet.' EMMA THOMPSONIn 2015 I described myself as 'guilty feminist' for the first time. My goals were noble but my concerns were trivial. I desperately wanted to close the pay gap, but I also wanted to look good sitting down naked.A funny, joyful, frank and inspiring book about embracing both feminism and our imperfections, from the creator of the hit comedy podcast, Deborah Frances-White.From inclusion to the secret autonomy in rom coms, from effective activism to what poker can tell us about power structures, Deborah explores what it means to be a twenty-first-century feminist, and encourages us to make the world better for everyone.This audiobook also includes exclusive interviews with performers, activists and thinkers - Jessamyn Stanley, Zoe Coombs Marr, Susan Wokoma, Bisha K. Ali, Reubs Walsh, Becca Bunce, Amika George, Mo Mansfied and Leyla Hussein - plus a piece from Hannah Gadsby.Read by Deborah Frances-White, this audiobook includes live excerpts from The Guilty Feminist podcast, with interviews narrated by Adjoa Andoh and Becca Bunce.Praise for THE GUILTY FEMINIST podcast:'Hilarious, irreverent, eternally surprising, classy as hell, genius comedians ... It's shows like this that breathe life into conversations about feminism' Phoebe Waller-Bridge'Tackles issues from democracy to sexuality to porn with a lightness and hilarity that makes even the newly ordained feminist feel at home' Scarlett Curtis, Sunday Times'Wildly successful ... The Guilty Feminist addresses the major feminist issues of the twenty-first century while also celebrating our glorious imperfections' Marie Claire Australia

Sphere

Razor Girl

Carl Hiaasen
Authors:
Carl Hiaasen

*SHORLISTED FOR THE BOLLINGER EVERYMAN WODEHOUSE PRIZE 2017* Key West is a small place, but there are criminal secrets buried everywhere . . . When jumped-up reality TV star Buck Nance aggravates the crowd in a Key West bar, he incites a riot and vanishes in the melee. His hapless agent Lane Coolman should have been by Buck's side, but has been accidentally taken hostage by two petty criminals who now think they can turn a quick profit by ransoming an LA talent agent. As the search for Buck continues, the mystery draws in a broad cast of characters from across the island including Andrew Yancy, the disgraced cop who now works restaurants on roach patrol; a delusional fan of Buck's show; the local sheriff who's desperate for re-election; a shady lawyer and his gold-digging fiancée; the gay mayor and his restauranteur partner; a Mafioso hotelier; and a redheaded con artist named Merry who, using a razor blade and a high-speed car, has developed a signature way of luring in her victims.Outrageously funny, fast-paced and uniquely addictive, Razor Girl will keep you utterly gripped until the final page.

Little, Brown

The Spectator Book of Wit, Humour and Mischief

Marcus Berkmann
Authors:
Marcus Berkmann

Approaching its 200th birthday in the rudest of health, the Spectator is known for the quality of its writing and the deep eccentricity of some of its writers. Given the freedom to say what they want, they take that freedom and more, and the result is original, provocative, often very funny, sometimes plain wrong. From Jeffrey Bernard's reports from the Soho frontline and Auberon Waugh fulminating about hamburger gases in the early 1990s, we encounter in turn the wild stream of consciousness of Deborah Ross's restaurant reviews, the pinpoint etiquette advice of Mary Killen, Rod Liddle's frothing but elegantly sculpted outrage and the magazine's secret weapon, low life adventurer Jeremy Clarke. This bumper selection, which also includes eminent diarists, mad letter-writers and Boris Johnson, amounts to a masterclass in comic writing, lovingly compiled and edited by Marcus Berkmann, who still can't believe he wrote a monthly pop column for the magazine for twenty-eight years without being fired.

Sphere

Art is Dead

Thomas Ridgewell
Authors:
Thomas Ridgewell

In 2008, Thomas "TomSka" Ridgewell uploaded a short animated film to YouTube; he called it asdfmovie. It has since been viewed more than 50 million times and has spawned eight sequels and many, many dedicated fans. Now, for the first time, the weird and wonderful world of asdf has exploded onto the page in ART IS DEAD, a book conceived and written by Tom and illustrated by Matt Ley. Featuring much-loved characters from the films, as well as brand-new, never-before-seen comics and bonus material - including the asdf origin story and Tom's own sketches - ART IS DEAD is a comic book like no other. Expect trains, potatoes, suicidal muffins and jokes about "death, destruction and things talking that don't normally talk", all wrapped up in book so awkwardly shaped it will make your shelves look weird. (Sorry about that.)

Running Press Adult

You Drive Like an Asshole

Tommy Blacha
Authors:
Tommy Blacha

Dear Asshole Reading the Book Summary,Ever wish you could leave a note on the windshield of the obsessive-lane-changing asshole or the asshole with the Duct-taped-on fender? Assholes on the road come in all shapes and sizes, such as the ugly asshole in the Italian sports car, the proud asshole parent of an honor student, the asshole not paying attention to the road, or even the asshole looking at an actual paper map. For all of these assholes and more, this book is there for you to vent your frustrations, lodge your complaints, and leave tear-out notes for every road-legal offender you will undoubtedly encounter on the road. You're welcome. Sincerely,The folks at You Drive Like an Asshole P.S. Stop dawdling and just buy the book already, asshole.

Constable

Horrorscopes: An Astrological Almanac

Jonathan O'Brien
Authors:
Jonathan O'Brien
Running Press Mini Editions

Plants vs. Zombies: Create Your Own Zombie

Running Press
Authors:
Running Press

Plants vs. Zombies T is the award-winning and wildly popular video game franchise where players defend their lawn from a fun-loving zombie mob using an arsenal of zombie-zapping plants. In Plants vs. Zombies: Raise Your Own Zombie , you can create six of the iconic zombies, including Mummy Zombie, Pirate Zombie, and Cowboy Zombie, with an assortment of magnetic outfits and accessories to mix and match. The kit also includes an illustrated 32-page book of zombie profiles from the game. Get ready to soil your plants!

Running Press Adult

You Suck at Drinking

Matthew Latkiewicz
Authors:
Matthew Latkiewicz

Hey,you there with the cheap chardonnay,you think you know how to drink, but this book will gently lead you to the conclusion that you do, indeed, suck at drinking. It's time to imbibe correctly , and author Matthew Latkiewicz has compiled this helpful, wryly humorous guide to help you navigate any drinking situation and answer any pedantic questions, including:* What's the difference between a flip, a fizz, and a smash?* What is the official state term for being inebriated in Iowa?* How do you choose the right drink to suit any occasion?And much more!Complete with tons of helpful illustrations and handy graphs, this guide will become indispensable to anyone who no longer wants to, suck at drinking.

Running Press Mini Editions

Game of Thrones: Stark Direwolf

Robb Pearlman
Authors:
Robb Pearlman

The direwolf, a large creature of the north, is the sigil of House Stark. Stone statues in the image of the direwolf flank the entrance to the crypt at Winterfell and have remained there as faithful guardians for generations.

Sphere

Tinder Fails

Tom Phillips
Authors:
Tom Phillips
Robinson

The Mammoth Book of Tasteless and Outrageous Lists

Karl Shaw
Authors:
Karl Shaw

Prepare to be even more revolted, flabbergasted, appalled and entertained by this incredible follow-up collection of bizarre but absolutely true trivia. Nothing is too distasteful for this astonishing compendium, including scores of eclectic lists to amuse, astonish and appal your friends.Entries include:10 Road-kill RecipesHistory's 10 Most Murderous Regimes10 Historic Sex Toys10 People who Married Their Nieces10 Deaths by Sex10 People Killed by Falling Animals 10 Ancient Remedies Containing Body Parts10 Flatalogical Facts8 Most Violent National Anthems15 Premature Obituaries10 Unusual Royal Deaths10 Cruel and Unusual Punishments10 Notable Executions12 Elizabethan Insults