Marcus Berkmann - Zimmer Men - Little, Brown Book Group

Time remaining

  • -- days
  • -- hours
  • -- minutes
  • -- seconds
Other Formats
  • E-Book £P.O.R.
    More information
    • ISBN:9780748127085
    • Publication date:02 Dec 2010

Zimmer Men

The Trials and Tribulations of the Ageing Cricketer

By Marcus Berkmann

  • Paperback
  • £9.99

The pains of the ageing cricketer revealed in the hilarious sequel to RAIN MEN (about the appalling Captain Scott Invitation XI - named after the model of heroic failure).

Ten years after his classic Rain Men - 'cricket's answer to Fever Pitch,' said the Daily Telegraph - Marcus Berkmann returns to the strange and wondrous world of village cricket, where players sledge their team-mates, umpires struggle to count up to six, the bails aren't on straight and the team that fields after a hefty tea invariably loses. This time he's on the trail of the Ageing Cricketer, having suddenly realised that he is one himself and playing in a team with ten others every weekend. In their minds they run around the field as fast as ever; it's only their legs that let them down. ZIMMER MEN asks all the important questions of middle-aged cricketers. Why is that boundary rope suddenly so far away? Are you doomed to getting worse as a cricketer, or could you get better? How many pairs of trousers will your girth destroy in one summer? Chronicling the 2004 season, with its many humiliating defeats and random injuries, this coruscatingly funny new book laughs in the face of middle age, and starts thinking seriously about buying a convertible.

Biographical Notes

Marcus Berkmann is the author of Rain Men. He writes regularly for the Oldie, Private Eye and the Spectator.

  • Other details

  • ISBN: 9780349119151
  • Publication date: 06 Jul 2006
  • Page count: 256
  • Imprint: Abacus
A book about, and for, anyone whose dreams outreach their abilities — GUARDIAN
[a] humorous masterpiece to treasure — INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY
Berkmann's observation and wit reveals all that's truly great about cricket and the spirit of the sport. The Game of Life as it should be played. — LADS MAG
Berkmann's acute powers of observation, especially of the ageing male species, are cutting but accurate. And under his penmanship the generalisation is wholly reasonable. — INDEPENDENT
Abacus

The Amazing Test Match Crime

Adrian Alington
Authors:
Adrian Alington
Black Dog & Leventhal

Navigating With or Without a Compass

Miles Tanner
Authors:
Miles Tanner

Finding your campsite, a spectacular view, or your way home can be difficult, especially when your phone or GPS malfunctions. But knowing how to use a magnetized compass, paper map, and the positions of the sun, moon, stars, and other practical aids in pathfinding will help outdoorsman find their way in almost any kind of terrain. Navigating With or Without a Compass will teach you the basics of using that essential tool, such as the difference between true north and magnetic north based on where you are and using compass bearings from a map and in the field to determine location. However if you find yourself without a compass, this handy guide will also give you natural signs and guideposts for pathfinding, such as the way the wind blows, trees grow, or flowers bloom. Also covered will be determining direction through reading the Sun and the shadows it forms, the position and stages of the Moon, and familiarizing oneself with the principal constellations to guide you and determine the time at night. Perfect for the skilled woodsman or just a walk in the woods, Navigating With or Without a Compass is filled with tips and essential knowledge indispensable for hikers, campers, scouts and nature lovers.

Black Dog & Leventhal

Building the Perfect Fire

Miles Tanner
Authors:
Miles Tanner

This go-to-guide for turning wood into heat, including starting a fire with everything from flints to forearms in any type of weather; tinders easily found in nature; identifying and gathering the best kindling and types of wood; efficient splitting and stacking configurations for different needs, such as cooking; and how to safely put out a blaze.Not just for survival, Building the Perfect Fire will also discuss using wood to create a welcoming fire, such as the crackling from birch wood or the colorful flames from an old apple tree.

Abacus

Set Phasers to Stun

Marcus Berkmann
Authors:
Marcus Berkmann

Forty-seven years after NBC killed it off, Star Trek celebrates its half-century in a state of rude health. Boldly going where several other people have been before, Marcus Berkmann tells the story of this sturdy science fiction vehicle from its first five-year mission (rudely curtailed to three), through the dark years of the 1970s, the triumphant film series and The Next Generation, to the current 'reboot' films, with a younger cast taking on the characters of Kirk, Spock, McCoy and co.With wit, insight and a huge pile of DVDs, he seeks to answer all the important questions. Why did Kirk's shirt always get torn when he had a fist fight? What's the most number of times Uhura said 'Hailing frequencies open, sir' in a single episode? (Seven.) And what's the worst imaginable insult in Klingon? (Your mother has a smooth forehead.)

Little, Brown

The Spectator Book of Wit, Humour and Mischief

Marcus Berkmann
Authors:
Marcus Berkmann

Approaching its 200th birthday in the rudest of health, the Spectator is known for the quality of its writing and the deep eccentricity of some of its writers. Given the freedom to say what they want, they take that freedom and more, and the result is original, provocative, often very funny, sometimes plain wrong. From Jeffrey Bernard's reports from the Soho frontline and Auberon Waugh fulminating about hamburger gases in the early 1990s, we encounter in turn the wild stream of consciousness of Deborah Ross's restaurant reviews, the pinpoint etiquette advice of Mary Killen, Rod Liddle's frothing but elegantly sculpted outrage and the magazine's secret weapon, low life adventurer Jeremy Clarke. This bumper selection, which also includes eminent diarists, mad letter-writers and Boris Johnson, amounts to a masterclass in comic writing, lovingly compiled and edited by Marcus Berkmann, who still can't believe he wrote a monthly pop column for the magazine for twenty-eight years without being fired.

Constable

All in a Day's Cricket

Brian Levison, Christopher Martin-Jenkins
Authors:
Brian Levison, Christopher Martin-Jenkins

This selection of the very best, and most intriguing, writing on cricket, drawn from the mid-eighteenth century to the present day, adopts a fresh approach. It is arranged around the theme of the many things that must happen simply for a day's play to happen - from creating a clearing in a Malaysian jungle to getting to the ground - so includes, alongside writing by players both great and unknown, the perspectives of spectators, umpires, scorers and other unsung heroes of the game. There are contributions from John Arlott, Neville Cardus, C. L. R. James and E. V. Lucas; Marcus Trescothick writes on his introduction to cricket aged three; Angus Fraser on meeting Nelson Mandela; Phil Tufnell on being shanghaied into getting a haircut by Mike Gatting; and Rachael Heyhoe Flint on being the first woman to step onto the Lord's ground as a player. But it is the cricket itself and the outstanding players and their achievements that remain the focus - the greats of the recent and distant past involved in some of their most famous exploits. From 'disgraceful scenes at Lord's', described by Irish writer Robert Lynd, to North America, which W. G. Grace toured in 1872, and from a match played on ice to the tropical islands of Fiji and Samoa, this is a collection that does full justice to the extraordinary breadth, diversity and enduring fascination of the greatest game in the world.

Constable

Accidental Ironman

Martyn Brunt
Authors:
Martyn Brunt

Having spent 10 years scaling the lower echelons of the sport, the time has come for one of Britain's least successful athletes to reveal all about how he got involved in all this nonsense in the first place. Marvel as he reveals: His sporting history - how being last pick at school football in the 1970s set him on course for a lifetime of being rubbish at team games. How he took up triathlons in the first place (for a bet, and the cow who made it with him never paid up). How he overcame a crippling lack of talent and a chorus of complete indifference from his family to complete 10 Ironmans, all outside the top 500 finishers. The many triathlon adventures he has experienced over the past 10 years (cow pats, Ironmans, incontinence, driving bans, broken bones, public nudity, spending entire redundancy payments on a new bike, Belgian portaloos, German knocking shops, sunburnt arse cheeks, channel swimming, fights with chavs, obsessions with weather and the nutritional value of Jaffa Cakes, 3 hour marathons, chronic dehydration and so on). The many and varied idiots he's got to know as a result of taking up the sport (aka his mates). The typical training (hell) he goes through to take part in a race given he has absolutely no ability whatsoever. How triathlons ultimately caused him to sell his Mercedes, give away his expensive suit, chuck in his job in the City and become, as his father put it, a "god-damned hippy" (A cycle path designer who owns a camper van).

Abacus

A Matter Of Facts: The Insider's Guide To Quizzing

Marcus Berkmann
Authors:
Marcus Berkmann
Da Capo Lifelong Books

Girl Hunter

Georgia Pellegrini
Authors:
Georgia Pellegrini

What happens when a classically-trained New York chef and fearless omnivore heads out of the city and into the wild to track down the ingredients for her meals? After abandoning Wall Street to embrace her lifelong love of cooking, Georgia Pellegrini comes face to face with her first kill. From honoring that first turkey to realizing that the only way we truly know where our meat comes from is if we hunt it ourselves, Pellegrini embarks on a wild ride into the real world of local, organic, and sustainable food. Teaming up with veteran hunters, she trav­els over field and stream in search of the main course- from quail to venison and wild boar, from elk to javelina and squirrel. Pellegrini's road trip careens from the back of an ATV chasing wild hogs along the banks of the Mississippi to a dove hunt with beer and barbeque, to the birthplace of the Delta Blues. Along the way, she meets an array of unexpected characters- from the Commish, a venerated lifelong hunter, to the lawyer-by day, duck-hunting-Bayou-philosopher at dawn- who offer surprising lessons about food and life. Pellegrini also discovers the dangerous underbelly of hunting when an outing turns illegal- and dangerous. More than a food-laden hunting narrative, Girl Hunter also teaches you how to be a self-sufficient eater. Each chapter offers recipes for finger-licking dishes like: type="disc" wild turkey and oyster stew stuffed quail pheasant tagine venison sausage fundamental stocks, brines, sauces, and rubs suggestions for interchanging proteins within each recipeEach dish, like each story, is an adventure from begin­ning to end. An inspiring, illuminating, and often funny jour­ney into unexplored territories of haute cuisine , Girl Hunter captures the joy of rolling up your sleeves and getting to the heart of where the food you eat comes from.

Back Bay

One on One

John Feinstein
Authors:
John Feinstein
Running Press Adult

Hawke's Green Beret Survival Manual

Mykel Hawke
Authors:
Mykel Hawke
Basic Books

Extra Innings

Steven Goldman, The Baseball Prospectus
Authors:
Steven Goldman, The Baseball Prospectus
Right Way

The Knot Book

Geoffrey Budworth
Authors:
Geoffrey Budworth

Learn how to apply the right knot in any situation - secure and strong enough for the job. Such skill can be essential to the safety and enjoyment of leisure pursuits, such as climbing, sailing and fishing. In rescue, life can depend on it. Here Geoffrey Budworth has selected over 100 of the best knots from his lifetime's experience of knots.

Abacus

A Shed Of One's Own

Marcus Berkmann
Authors:
Marcus Berkmann
Sphere

The Grand Slam

Mark Frost
Authors:
Mark Frost
Basic Books

Letters to a Young Gymnast

Nadia Comaneci
Authors:
Nadia Comaneci

In Letters to a Young Gymnast , Nadia Comaneci tells how she found the inner strength to become a world-class athlete at such a young age. Now a woman of tremendous poise and self-assurance, she offers unique insights into the mind of a top competitor. From how to live after you've realized your dream to the necessity of a spirit forged with mettle," Comaneci's thoughts on athleticism and sacrifice are eye-opening.

PublicAffairs

The Lure of Long Distances

Robin Harvie
Authors:
Robin Harvie
Back Bay

He Crashed Me So I Crashed Him Back

Mark Bechtel
Authors:
Mark Bechtel

On a cold February day in 1979, when most of the Northeast was snowed in by a blizzard, NASCAR entered the American consciousness with a dramatic telecast of the Daytona 500. It was the first 500-mile race to be broadcast live on national television and featured the heroes and legends of the sport racing on a hallowed track. With one of the wildest finishes in sports history - a finish that was just the start of the drama - everything changed for what is now America's second most popular sport. HE CRASHED ME SO I CRASHED HIM BACK is the story of an emerging sport trying to find its feet. It's the story of how Bobby Allison, Donnie Allison, Cale Yarborough, Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, Darrell Waltrip, A.J. Foyt, and Kyle Petty came together in an unforgettable season that featured the first nationally televised NASCAR races. There were rivalries -even the sibling kind - and plenty of fistfights, feuds, and frenzied finishes. Rollicking and full of larger-than-life characters, HE CRASHED ME SO I CRASHED HIM BACK is the remarkable tale of the birth of modern stock-car racing.

Abacus

Fields Of Courage

Max Davidson
Authors:
Max Davidson

The history of sport is littered with tales of exemplary courage: sportsmen and women pushing their bodies through the pain barrier, or defying career-threatening injuries, in quest of victory. From the goalkeeper who played in a FA Cup Final with a broken neck to the batsman who saved a Test match with his arm in plaster, their heroics have inspired generations of schoolchildren. But courage is as much a moral as a physical attribute. Some of the most inspiring chapters in sport feature men and women of principle who have challenged authority, fought prejudice or simply had the guts to confess to weaknesses that went against the grain of their profession. Ben Hogan, Jackie Robinson, Marcus Trescothick, Billie-Jean King, Eric Lidell . . . Max Davidson's cavalcade of sporting heroism celebrates virtues that transcend winning and losing -- and explains why sport at its best is so inspirational.

Running Press Adult

The Ultimate Book of Boxing Lists

Bert Randolph Sugar, Teddy Atlas
Authors:
Bert Randolph Sugar, Teddy Atlas

What were the ten most fantastic knockouts in boxing history? Which pugilist had the greatest jab of all time? What were the sport's most intense rivalries? Who scored the biggest upsets in the sport's annals? Which fighters have the best nicknames? These questions and many others are answered in this bold collection of ranked lists from two of boxing's most popular commentators. Each list has an introductory paragraph followed by a number of ranked entries, with each entry featuring a brief explanation of ranking plus entertaining and enlightening background information. Also included are original lists contributed exclusive to this book by more than 25 top personalities from boxing and beyond, including Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, George Foreman, Oscar De La Hoya, Bernard Hopkins, and more.