Simon Brett - Seriously Funny, and Other Oxymorons - Little, Brown Book Group

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    • ISBN:9781472139436
    • Publication date:07 Sep 2017
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Seriously Funny, and Other Oxymorons

By Simon Brett

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A humorous gift book: collection of oxymorons, amusingly illustrated by Paul Thomas.

'Brilliant! Will make a perfect Xmas stocking filler'
Bronya Ralley

'Delightful. This dip-in-anywhere book put a smile on my face from the first page . . . for everyone who likes a good chuckle'
Ruth Milligan

As we all know, the oxymoron is one of the great beauties of the English language. It has been defined as 'a figure of speech that juxtaposes elements that appear to be contradictory'. Famous examples would include 'bitter-sweet', 'open secret' and 'compassionate Conservatism'.

Seriously Funny, and Other Oxymorons brings together a great many examples of the oxymoron genre, amusingly illustrated by Paul Thomas.

The book is arranged according to various categories ranging from Popular Culture to Political Principles and Business Ethics, all covered in Simon Brett's inimitably witty style.

Anyone with an 'unbiased opinion' will quickly grasp that Seriously Funny makes a 'devilishly nice' book.

Biographical Notes

SIMON BRETT is the author of over ninety books, many of them crime novels. His humorous writing includes the internation bestsellers How To Be A Little Sod and Summersdale's very successful Baby Tips series. He was educated at Dulwich College and Wadham College, Oxford, where he gained a First Class Honours Degree in English. A former radio and television producer, he has to date written over ninety books. A great many are crime novels, including the Charles Paris, Mrs Pargeter and Fethering series. Simon was Chairman of the Crime Writers Association from 1986 to 1987 and of the Society of Authors from 1995 to 1997. He is President of the Detection Club and was awarded the 2014 CWA Diamond Dagger. He lives near Arundel in West Sussex and is married with three grown-up children, three grandsons, one granddaughter, and a cat called Polly.

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  • ISBN: 9781472139443
  • Publication date: 07 Sep 2017
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  • Imprint: Robinson
Constable

Blotto, Twinks and the Intimate Revue

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett

A quick trip to the capital goes horribly wrong when Blotto and Twinks get accidentally involved in London's criminal underworld . . .It starts innocently enough at the intimate review 'absolutely everyone is talking about', Light and Frothy, where its glamorous star, Frou Frou Gavotte, has rather taken the fancy of Blotto's school friend Giles 'Whiffler' Trumpington. But while Blotto and Whiffler wait for the star outside the theatre to take her to dinner, Whiffler is seized and manhandled into the back of a cab which then drives off into the night . . . Leaving Blotto with the problem of how to rescue his kidnapped schoolmate.Naturally, he enlists Twinks's help and the two of them encounter actors, singers, impresarios, revue writers, cockney showgirls and Scotland Yard's finest - and white slave traders, who succeed in abducting Twinks - leaving it up to Blotto and his trusty chauffeur, Corky Froggett, to rescue her before she's shipped off to foreign parts forever . . .Praise for Simon Brett'A new Simon Brett is an event for mystery fans' P. D. James'Murder most enjoyable' Colin Dexter'One of British crime's most assured craftsmen . . . Crime writing just like in the good old days, and perfect entertainment' Guardian'Few crime writers are so enchantingly gifted' Sunday Times'Simon Brett writes stunning detective stories. I would recommend them to anyone' Jilly Cooper

Constable

Patronising Bastards

Quentin Letts
Authors:
Quentin Letts
Constable

Blotto, Twinks and the Stars of the Silver Screen

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett
Constable

Blotto, Twinks and the Heir to the Tsar

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett

Tawcester Towers, the family seat of the Lyminster family, has suffered an unwelcome injection of distant cousins, so distant that they aren't even British! Count Igor and Count Lyudmilla Bashusky had to flee Russia after the Revolution and have spent the intervening years building up debts in the hotels of Europe's capitals and sponging off ever more exasperated (and distant) relatives.The Bashusky's arrival at Tawcester Towers causes a stir, and it's up to Blotto and Twinks, that indefatigable duo, to provide a solution to get them back to Russia. Reversing the Russian Revolution and getting a Tsar back into St Petersburg's Winter Palace is just the sort of challenge the fiercely bright Twinks relishes, though her dim-witted brother Blotto shows less aptitude for the subtleties of international politics, despite his commendable bravery.The siblings soon find themselves in Berlin to try and broker a meeting with the White Russian community, and swiftly become embroiled in a world of spies, counterspies, conspiracies and counter-conspiracies. Just when things seem to be looking up, little do Blotto and Twinks realise that their plans are being monitored by the spymaster Fyodor Vlachko, a former worker on the Bushusky's estate who has now risen to a senior post in the secret police of the newly-formed Soviet Union . . .

C & R Crime

Blotto, Twinks and Riddle of the Sphinx

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett

The curse of Pharaoh Sinus Nefertop is upon Blotto so it's up to Twinks to banish it!Yet another financial crisis at Tawcester Towers! So this time the Dowager Duchess decides to sell off the less important family possessions, which have, for a long time, been consigned to the attics of the ancestral home.Blotto and Twinks are dispatched to help the valuer as he carries out an inspection. Not much of any worth is found but then the valuer spies some Egyptian artifacts, collected by the tenth duke, Rupert the Egyptologist. In some excitement he rushes back to London to consult his reference books, leaving Blotto and Twinks alone in the attic, where they are drawn to a sarchophagus decorated with hieroglyphs. Twinks starts to translate: 'Anyone who desecrates this shrine will be visited by the Pharoah's curse...' - just as Blotto prises the lid off.From that moment on a series of unpleasant incidents start happening at Tawcester Towers but it is only when the Dowager Duchess's precious pug is struck down with a stomach bug that she instructs her son to sort things out and stop the accelerating sequence of disasters.It's the brainy Twinks who decide the only thing to be done is to put the genie back in the bottle and so she, together with Blotto and their trusty chauffeur Corky Froggett, undertake take the sarcophagus back to Egypt, to the Valley of the Kings as only when this is done will the effect of the Pharoah's curse be lifted...

Robinson

1001 Really Stupid Jokes

Mike Phillips
Authors:
Mike Phillips
Constable

Superpiss, Meltykiss, Spankers and Muff

Gordon Thorburn
Authors:
Gordon Thorburn
Robinson

Help, I'm Trapped in the Duvet!

Howard Lester
Authors:
Howard Lester

Most people understand that what an emergency is and only call out the police, fire brigade or ambulance when they really need to. However, there is a weird minority who will dial 911 if they lose their keys, if their phone isn't working, if they need a lift home from a party or even if they have become hopelessly trapped in their own duvet!This hilarious collection of true stories brings together some of the world's most ridiculous emergency calls, including:- The woman who called the police because MacDonalds was out of Chicken Mcnuggets.- The priest who dialed 999 because WHSmiths at Manchester Airporte wouldn't let him use their toilet- The boy who called an ambulance because his poodle was looking sad.- The man whose watch read the same time for three hours who called the police to report that...wait for it...time was standing still- Then there was the man who had taken too much viagra...

Robinson

More Than My Job's Worth

Howard Lester
Authors:
Howard Lester

Did you know that it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament? Were you aware that it is perfectly legal to murder a Scotsman within the wall of the ancient city of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow? Outrageous and hilarious rules and regulations pack the pages of More Than My Job's Worth along with incredible stories of officialdom gone mad. How about the story of a couple in Surrey who cleared an eyesore of weeds, litter, wrecked shopping trolleys and bits of an old car from the area outside their front fence, dug the ground over and put in some plants to make it all look nice for passers-by? The local council told them that unless they paid for a permit, they had to put everything back exactly as it was!You couldn't make it up, as they say, but you don't need to because it's all true! By the way, you need the permission of the Secretary of State if you want to enter the hull of the Titanic, and in Connecticut, USA a pickle cannot be classed as a pickle unless it can bounce!

C & R Crime

Blotto, Twinks and the Bootlegger's Moll

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett

Due to financial hardships at Tawcester Towers, the Dowager Duchess has decreed that the only way the family fortunes can be restored is to marry Blotto off... to an American!So begins the fourth adventure in the Blotto and Twinks series, and this time the aristocratic sleuthing siblings end up being transported across the Pond to the gangster-ridden hell-hole that is Prohibition Chicago.Reluctantly, Blotto, together with Twinks and his trusty chauffeur Corky Froggett set sail on ocean liner S/S His Majesty. He feels like a condemned man as awaiting him in Illinois is fabulously wealthy heiress Mary Chapstick, the only daughter of meat-packing magnate Hiram P. Chapstick III. But it's Twinks who discovers early on that all is not as it seems and that Hiram P. Chapstick III is in fact up to his neck in a bootlegging operation run by the notorious Chicago mobster, Spagsy Chiaparelli. So Blotto and Twinks set out to unmask the villainy of Hiram P. Chapstick III, where a final shootout takes place among the filthy stockyards, abattoirs and caning factories of Chicago's Meatpacking District - will Blotto and Twinks ever make it back to dear old Blighty?

Constable

Real Life

Melissa Kite
Authors:
Melissa Kite

Does an exciting weekend for you mean scrubbing all the grouting in your bathroom with a toothbrush? Have you ever felt the urge to kidnap the cable guy and tie him to the bed like Kathy Bates in Misery because you are terrified the TV will stop working once he's gone? Do you ponder marrying the Albanian builder who has just fitted alcove shelving because he's brought you more happiness in three days than your useless ex-boyfriend brought you in three years? Are you engaged in endless rows with call centre staff called Keeley who hang up on you because you are 'shouting and hysterical'? Are you convinced the entire world is engaged in a conspiracy to drive you insane, especially the automated phone system that generates ten text messages whenever you try to book a minicab?Do you write to-do lists that need paginating, and include items such as 're-mortgage house, get pregnant, climb Kilimanjaro'?Welcome to Melissa Kite's life. If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, clearly you too are a desperate single woman trying to survive in the modern world. If not, congratulations: you will have a good laugh reading this book.

Constable

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

Jen Campbell
Authors:
Jen Campbell

'Can books conduct electricity?''My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that's ok... isn't it?' A John Cleese Twitter question ['What is your pet peeve?'], first sparked the "Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops" blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller's collection of ridiculous conversations on the shop floor. From 'Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?' to the hunt for a paperback which could forecast the next year's weather; and from 'I've forgotten my glasses, please read me the first chapter' to 'Excuse me... is this book edible?' This full-length collection illustrated by the Brothers McLeod also includes top 'Weird Things' from bookshops around the world.

Constable

Letts Rip!

Quentin Letts
Authors:
Quentin Letts
Constable

Barking at Winston

Barry Stone
Authors:
Barry Stone
C & R Crime

Blotto, Twinks and the Rodents of the Riviera

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett
C & R Crime

Death of a Nag

M.C. Beaton
Authors:
M.C. Beaton

A busman's holiday for Hamish . . . After losing both his promotion and the lovely Priscilla Halburton-Smythe, Hamish Macbeth decides the best cure for a broken heart is a week's break at the charming coastal village of Skag. When he arrives at the Friendly House B&B, however, he finds the ambience chilling, the food inedible and his fellow guests less than neighbourly. They include the annoying Miss Gunnery; a family from London; and Bob Harris, who so nags his wife that everyone wants to kill him. And then somebody does. Now it is up to Hamish to act - to dig deep into the past and deliver something more daunting than merely the culprit: justice.Praise for M.C. Beaton:'The books are a delight: clever, intricate, sardonic and amazingly true to the real Highlands' Kerry Greenwood'It's always a special treat to return to Lochdubh' New York Times

Robinson

Crazy Sh*t Old People Say

Geoff Tibballs
Authors:
Geoff Tibballs
Constable

A Gentleman's Bedside Book

Tom Cutler
Authors:
Tom Cutler

Have you ever found that once you are between the sheets Madame Bovary is too heavy, magazines are too slippery, and The Guns of Navarone too long? In that case A Gentleman's Bedside Book is perfectly designed to satisfy those final moments of the days with facts, stories, ideas and instructions that will help every bright boy to become a smarter man with a well rounded curriculum of lessons in Science, English, Home Economics, R.E, Modern Languages, P.E, Art, Music and Woodwork. A lucky dip of bedside derring-do, humour, and oddity, written in his unique style by best-selling humourist Tom Cutler. Constantly surprising, ridiculously fascinating, and very, very funny.Includes such entries as: Human anatomy for the practical man; the most frequent dream subjects; delicious caustic curries you can make; Emergency meals from nowhere; Shaving: top tips from the pros; Deerstalkers and why they matter; How to grow a dashing moustache; How to open a Champagne bottle with a sword; Samuel Pepys: the rude bits; Best ever book titles; Tongue twisters; Those you may not marry, from The Book of Common Prayer; The worst ever movie dialogue; Useful foreign chat-up lines; An international swearing dictionary; filthy foreign food; Historic dumb predictions; The history of concrete; Dad rock; Coming out on top in a pub brawl; How to dissolve your wife; Mental arithmetic tricks for the practical man: ten tricks; Famous car crashes and victims; The seven habits of the highly effective Lothario; Really bad chat-up lines; Best urban legends: a list; Sword swallowing for fun and profit; How to develop a gigantic memory; Mind blowing mind reading for the complete novice.

C & R Crime

Blotto, Twinks and the Dead Dowager Duchess

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett

The extremely aristocratic but extremely thick Blotto and his extremely brainy sister Twinks are attending a weekend house party when the inevitable happens. Their hostess, the Dowager Duchess of Melmont, is murdered. An amateur detective, conveniently staying for the weekend, deduces that the Lyminster family chauffeur Corky Froggett must have done it. For Blotto and Twinks, the only way to prove Corky's innocence is by finding the real perpetrator.So begins the second investigation for the daring duo... one which takes them via an opium den in Limehouse, a Scottish castle and a disused Cornish tin mine, to a thrilling final confrontation at the nerve-centre of the evil League of the Crimson Hand. Yes, Blotto and Twinks are back! Praise for Simon Brett:'A new Simon Brett is an event for mystery fans' P D James'Murder most enjoyable' Colin Dexter'Simon Brett writes stunning detective stories. I would recommend them to anyone.' Jilly Cooper'Few crime writers are so enchantingly gifted' Sunday Times'One of British crime's most assured craftsmen... Crime writing just like in the good old days, and perfect entertainment.' Guardian

C & R Crime

Blotto, Twinks and the Ex-King's Daughter

Simon Brett
Authors:
Simon Brett