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F**king Up the Buttons on a Babygrow

Drew Magary
Authors:
Drew Magary

Have you ever faked sleep at 3 a.m. in a perverse game of 'baby monitor chicken' with your partner? Or wondered exactly how dire the consequences of an incorrect measurement of formula might be? Have you fought off the urge to strangle the feral child who smeared something unidenitfiable on the playground slide just before your toddler used it? Or fought off the urge to strangle your own while they repeatedly shout 'What's up f**kface?' to all and sundry during a trip to the supermarket? If you're a new parent, you've probably done at least one of the above. And if you have, it's OK, as Drew Magary expertly demonstrates in this hilarious book. Drew's commentary on the perils of modern-day fatherhood is so acutely observed, and so brilliantly told, that in a perfect world it would be advertised at NCT classes, endorsed by Gina Ford, and handed out in every new parent's Bounty bag. Read it for yourself, give it your partner, or get it for anyone you know who you suspect might be about to fall into the parent trap . . .

Robinson

Crazy Sh*t Old People Say

Geoff Tibballs
Authors:
Geoff Tibballs

With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please. These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, Vicar.'Other gems include:It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short.' What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now.The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet.Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal shit on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced fucking nipples.Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.

J. R. Ward

After graduating from law school J.R. Ward began working in health care in Boston and spent many years as chief of staff for one of the premier academic medical centres in the US. She lives in Kentucky with her husband.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, is founding Executive Director of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He is also the founding director of its renowned Stress Reduction Clinic and Professor of Medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He teaches mindfulness and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in various venues around the world. He received his Ph.D. in molecular biology from MIT in 1971 in the laboratory of Nobel Laureate, Salvador Luria.He is the author of numerous bestselling books about mindfulness and meditation. Overall, his books have been translated into over 30 languages.

Josiah Bancroft

Josiah Bancroft started writing novels when he was twelve and by the time he finished his first, he was an addict. Eventually, the writing of Senlin Ascends began, a fantasy adventure, not so unlike the stories that got him addicted to words in the first place. He wanted to do for others what his favourite writers had done for him: namely to pick them up and carry them to a wonderful and perilous world that is spinning very fast. If he's done that with this book, then he's happy.Josiah lives in Philadelphia with his wife, Sharon and their two rabbits, Mabel and Chaplin.More examples of his work, including updates on upcoming instalments in the Books of Babel series, can be found at www.thebooksofbabel.com.

Joyce Meyer

JOYCE MEYER is a #1 New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's leading practical Bible teachers. Her broadcast, Enjoying Everyday Life, airs daily on hundreds of television networks and radio stations worldwide. Joyce has written nearly 100 inspirational books. Bestsellers include God Is Not Mad at You; Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits; Living Beyond Your Feelings; Power Thoughts; Battlefield of the Mind; and The Confident Woman. Joyce holds conferences throughout the year, speaking to thousands around the world.

Jules Wake

Jules Wake's earliest known declaration that she planned to be a writer came at the age of ten. Along the way she was diverted by the glamorous world of PR and worked on many luxury brands, taking journalists on press trips to awful places like Turin, Milan, Geneva, Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam and occasionally losing the odd member of the press in an airport. It gave her the opportunity to eat amazing food and drink free alcohol as well as providing opportunities to hone her writing skills on press releases and to research European cities for her books.Eventually the voices in her head persuaded her it was time to sit down and write the novel she'd always talked about. Her debut novel, Talk to Me in 2014, was followed by three more bestselling titles and her most recent book, Covent Garden in the Snow, was a Kindle Top 3 bestseller. She also writes cosy romantic fiction as Julie Caplin.Follow on twitter @juleswake. Or visit her on www.juleswake.co.uk

Justin Myers

Justin Myers is a writer and editor from Shipley, Yorkshire, who now lives in London. After years working in journalism, he began his popular, anonymous dating blog The Guyliner in 2010, which soon led to his role as dating and advice columnist in Gay Times. He joined British GQ as a weekly columnist in 2016 and his work has appeared in a number of publications including the Guardian, Huffington Post, BuzzFeed and the Irish Times.

Kali Napier

KALI NAPIER worked in Bangladesh as an anthropologist on gender programs before working as an Aboriginal family history researcher for the Queensland government and as a Native Title anthropologist in the mid-west of Western Australia, the setting for THE SECRETS AT OCEAN'S EDGE. The novel was longlisted for the Bath Novel Award as was her first manuscript - also a finalist in the Hachette Australia Manuscript Development Program. Kali is currently an MPhil candidate in creative writing at the University of Queensland. The character of Ernie in THE SECRETS AT OCEAN'S EDGE is based on her great-grandfather, who settled briefly in Dongara during the Depression. Kali now lives in Queensland with her two children.

Kathleen Shannon

Kathleen Shannon is the founder of Braid Creative and Consulting, a boutique branding agency and consultancy she co-owns with her sister. Together they have helped thousands of creative entrepreneurs authentically brand and position themselves as creative experts. Kathleen also does creative coaching and is regularly invited to speak on personal branding at design conferences and retreats. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and son.

Keith Stuart

Keith Stuart is an author and journalist. His heartwarming debut novel, A Boy Made of Blocks, was a Richard and Judy Book Club pick and a major bestseller, and was inspired by Keith's real-life relationship with his autistic son. Keith has written for publications including Empire and Edge, and is games editor of the Guardian. He lives with his wife and two sons in Frome, Somerset.

Keren David

Keren David is a journalist and YA star who has been shortlisted for The Bookseller's YA Book Prize, the UKLA award and the Branford Boase Award, and nominated five times for the Carnegie Prize. Keren David started out in journalism as a teenage messenger, she trained as a reporter, and then later worked for many national papers before moving to Amsterdam with her family where she studied art history, learned to cycle and failed to learn Dutch. In 2007 she returned to London, and took a creative writing evening class at City University. Her first book, the award-winning When I Was Joe started out as a plot-planning exercise on the course. Keren is Features Editor for a national newspaper, and a Visiting Lecturer at City University. She is working on a musical adaptation of her book Lia's Guide to Winning the Lottery. Cuckoo is Keren's seventh book.

Laura Marshall

Laura Marshall grew up in Wiltshire and studied English at the University of Sussex.After almost twenty years working in conference production, in 2015 Laura decided it was time to fulfil a lifetime's ambition to write a book, and enrolled on the Curtis Brown Creative three month novel writing course. Laura's debut novel, Friend Request, was an ebook number one bestseller and was shortlisted for both the Bath Novel Award and the Lucy Cavendish Fiction Prize 2016. Three Litle Lies is Laura's second novel.Laura lives in Kent with her husband and two children.For more information visit Laura's website www.lauramarshall.co.uk or find her at www.facebook.com/lauramarshallauthor or on Twitter @laurajm8 #FriendRequestBook

Lisa Kleypas

Lisa Kleypas is the author of numerous historical romance novels. In 1985, she was named Miss Massachusetts and competed in the Miss America pageant. After graduating from Wellesley College she published her first novel at twenty-one. Lisa is married and has two children. Visit her at www.lisakleypas.com

Lorna Garano

Lorna Garano is a freelance writer and publicist.

M. R. Carey

M. R. Carey has been making up stories for most of his life. His novel The Girl With All the Gifts was a word-of-mouth bestseller and is now a major motion picture based on his own screenplay. Under the name Mike Carey he has written for both DC and Marvel, including critically acclaimed runs on Lucifer, Hellblazer and X-Men. His creator-owned series The Unwritten appeared regularly in the New York Times graphic fiction bestseller list. He also has several previous novels, games, radio plays, and TV and movie screenplays to his credit.

Mark Billingham

Mark Billingham has twice won the Theakston's Old Peculier Award for Crime Novel of the Year, and has also won a Sherlock Award for the Best Detective created by a British writer. Each of the novels featuring Detective Inspector Tom Thorne has been a Sunday Times bestseller. Sleepyhead and Scaredy Cat were made into a hit TV series on Sky 1 starring David Morrissey as Thorne, and a new series based on the novels In the Dark and Time of Death will be broadcast on BBC1 in 2017. Mark lives in north London with his wife and two children.

Martin N. Seif

Martin N. Seif, PhD, cofounded the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and was a member of its Board of Directors from 1977 through 1991. Seif is associate director of the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center at White Plains Hospital, a faculty member of New York Presbyterian Hospital-Cornell Medical School, and is board-certified in cognitive behavioral psychology from the American Board of Professional Psychology. He maintains a private practice in Manhattan and Greenwich, and is coauthor of What Every Therapist Needs to Know about Anxiety Disorders.

Matt Christopher

Matt Christopher is the beloved and bestselling name behind more than 100 sports-themed books for young readers.

Michael Robotham

Before becoming a novelist, Michael Robotham was an investigative journalist working across America, Australia and Britain. As a journalist and writer he has investigated notorious cases such as the serial killer couple Fred and Rosemary West. He has worked with clinical and forensic psychologists as they helped police investigate complex, psychologically driven crimes. Michael's 2004 debut thriller, The Suspect, sold more than 1 million copies around the world. It is the first of eight novels featuring clinical psychologist Joe O'Loughlin, who faces his own increasing battle with a potentially debilitating disease. Michael has also written four standalone thrillers. In 2015 he won the UK's prestigious Crime Writers' Association Gold Dagger Award with his standalone thriller Life or Death. He lives in Sydney.