Related to: 'Snow White And The Seven Samurai'

Orbit

Nothing But Blue Skies

Tom Holt
Orbit

Snow White And The Seven Samurai

Tom Holt

Once upon a time (or last Thursday, as it's known in this matrix) everything was fine: Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul.But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system (mirrors 3.1) and corrupted her database - and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we?Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit and wonder from the master of comic fantasy.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Orbit

Dead Funny: Omnibus 1

Tom Holt
Orbit

Only Human

Tom Holt

Something is about to go wrong. Very wrong. What do you expect if the Supreme Being decides to get away from it all for a few days, leaving his naturally inquisitive son to look after the cosmic balance of things?A minor hiccup with a human soul and a welding machine soon leads to a violent belch, and before you know it the human condition - not to mention the lemming condition - is tumbling down the slippery slope to chaos.

Orbit

In Your Dreams

Tom Holt

Ever been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? You know - the sort they'd be insane to be offering to someone like you. The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook ...It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to 'pest' control ...

Orbit

Little People

Tom Holt

I was eight years old when I saw my first elf.'... And for unlikely hero Michael it wasn't his last. Michael's unfortunately (but accurately) named girlfriend Cruella, doesn't approve of his obsession with the little people, but the problem is that they won't leave him alone. And who can blame them when it is his own stepfather who is responsible for causing them so much misery. Oh yes. Daddy George knows that elves can do so much more than the gardening.Find out more about this and other Orbit titles at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Orbit

Valhalla

Tom Holt
Orbit

The Portable Door

Tom Holt
Orbit

Fishy Wishes: Omnibus 7

Tom Holt

WISH YOU WERE HERE - It was a busy day on Lake Chicopee. But it was a mixed bunch of sightseers and tourists that had the strange local residents rubbing their hands with delight. But most promising of all, there was Wesley Higgins, the young man from Birmingham, England, who was there because he knew the legend of the ghost of Okeewana. All he had to do was immerse himself in the waters of the lake and he would find his heart's desire. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.DJINN RUMMY - In an aspirin bottle, nobody can hear you scream. Outside an aspirin bottle, however, things are somewhat different. And when Kayaguchiya Integrated Circuits III (Kiss, to his friends), a Force Twelve genie with an attitude, is released after fourteen years of living with two dozen white tablets, there's bound to be trouble ... All Jane wanted to do was end her life in peace, in the privacy of a British Rail waiting room, but now she's got herself a genie for company. Lucky old Jane. Lucky, that is, until the apocalypse rears its ugly head.

Orbit

Tall Stories: Omnibus 5

Tom Holt
Orbit

Saints And Sinners: Omnibus 6

Tom Holt

PAINT YOUR DRAGON - The cosmic battle between Good and Evil ... But suppose Evil threw the fight? And suppose Good cheated? When sculptress Bianca's recreation of St. George and his scaly chum gets a bit too life-like it opens up a whole new can of wyrms ... The dragon knows that Evil got a raw deal and is looking to set the record straight. And George (who cheated) thinks the record's just fine as it is. OPEN SESAME - Just as the boiling water was about to be poured on his head and his life flashed before his eyes, Akram the Terrible, the most feared thief in Baghdad, knew that this had happened before. Many times. And he was damned if he was going to let it happen again, just because he was a fictional character. Meanwhile, back in Southampton, Michelle gets a bit of a shock when she puts on her Aunt Fatima's ring and the computer and the telephone start to bitch at her. But that's nothing compared to what the kitchen appliances have to say ...

Orbit

Falling Sideways

Tom Holt

From the moment the first Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilisation. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect - all are testament to man's ultimate ascendancy.It is a noble story, a triumph of intelligence over adversity and so, of course, complete and utter fiction. For one man has discovered the hideous truth: that humanity's ascent has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Orbit

Earth, Air, Fire And Custard

Tom Holt

J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is in fact a deeply sinister organisation with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it (particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague Sophie), but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells. Unlike the stapler - that's always going awol. Our lovestruck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.Tom Holt's exceedingly comic fantasies are populated with evil goblins, annoying sprites and people like us. However, it's not always possible to tell the difference.

Orbit

Mightier Than The Sword: Omnibus 2

Tom Holt

MY HERO - Writing novels? Piece of cake, surely ... or so Jane thinks. Until hers starts writing back. At which point, she really should stop. The one thing she should not do is go into the book herself. After all, that's what heroes are for. Unfortunately, the world of fiction is a far more complicated place than she ever imagined. And she's about to land her hero right in it.WHO'S AFRAID OF BEOWULF? - Well, not Hrolf Earthstar, for a start. The last Norse king of Caithness, Hrolf and his twelve champions are woken from a centuries-long sleep when archaeologist Hildy Frederiksen finds their grave mound. Not only that, Hrolf decides to carry on his ancient war against the Sorcerer-King. In a mixture of P.G. Wodehouse, Norse mythology and Laurel and Hardy, Hildy and her Viking companions face such perils as BBC film crews, second-rate fish and chips and the Bakerloo line in their battle against the powers of darkness.

Orbit

For Two Nights Only: Omnibus 4

Tom Holt

OVERTIMEIt all started for Guy Goodlet somewhere over Caen. One moment he was heading for the relative safety of the coast, aware that fuel was low and that the Mosquito had more than a few bullet holes in it. The next, his co-pilot was asking to be dropped off. This would have been odd if Peter had still been alive. Since he was dead, it was downright worrying. GRAILBLAZERSFifteen hundred years have passed and the Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable; the Knights have dumped the Quest and now deliver pizzas; the sinister financial services industry of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon; while in the background lurks the dark, brooding, red-caped presence of Father Christmas.

Orbit

Divine Comedies: Omnibus 3

Tom Holt

HERE COMES THE SUNThe sun rises late, dirty and so badly in need of a service it's a wonder it gets up at all. The moon's going to be scrapped soon and a new one commissioned - but they've been saying that for years ... All is not well with the universe, and it's because the mortals are running the show. It's time for a Higher Power to take charge ...ODDS AND GODSIt's a god's life at the Sunnyvoyde Residential Home for retired deities. Everlasting life can be a real drag when all you've got to look forward to is cauliflower cheese on Wednesdays. But things are about to change, because those almighty duffers Thor, Odin and Frey have restored a thousand-year-old traction engine ... and the thing actually works. Then there's Osiris, preparing to set out on a quest that will test his wheelchair to the very limits. Only one thing might save the world. Dentures.

Orbit

You Don't Have To Be Evil To Work Here, But It Helps

Tom Holt

Colin Hollinghead is a young man going nowhere fast. Working for his dad might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but starting at the bottom in the widget-making industry has somehow lost its appeal. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help. Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell.And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help.Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell.

Abacus

Meadowland

Thomas C. Holt

In 1037, a senior civil servant of the Byzantine empire faces a tedious journey to Greece, escorting the Army payroll. His only companions are a detachment of the Empire's elite Guard, recruited from Viking Scandinavia. When the wagon sheds a wheel, he passes the time talking with two veterans, who have a remarkable story to tell; the Viking discovery of America.As he records the story, years later, he also considers its effect on the fourth member of the party; a young Norwegian guardsman who went on to become King Harald Hardradi, who died invading Englandin 1066 ...

Abacus

A Song For Nero

Thomas C. Holt

History tells us that in 69AD, at the ripe old age of 32 and on hearing that General Glaba's forces were closing in, Nero fled his palace in Rome. He stabbed himself in the throat with a pen and was trampled to death by horses in a muddy ditch. His last words were, 'What an artist dies with me'. But there is another possibility: Nero did not die in that ditch, but somebody who looked very much like him did. This gives Nero the opportunity to start a new life in pursuit of his first love: music. But there's a problem - Nero is being pursued by two people who have reason to suspect he is still alive - one wants him dead, the other is a passionate fan of his dreadful music and wants his genius recognised ...Tom Holt is an innovative, challenging and wonderfully entertaining writer of historical fiction. NERO is essential reading for all fans of Tom Holt and historical fiction.

Abacus

Olympiad

Tom Holt

Two thousand, seven hundred and seventy-six years ago a group of men ran between two piles of stones, and invented sport. If, that is, its history can be believed.The first ever Olympic Games in 776BC were apparently so memorable that all Western chronology is based on them. All we know about them is the name of the man who won the race. Over two and a half millennia later, it's about time somebody told the story.OLYMPIAD is an enthralling and beguiling historical novel full of adventure and misadventure. It will confirm Tom Holt's place as an innovative, challenging and wonderfully entertaining writer of historical fiction. Essential reading for all fans of Tom Holt and historical fiction.