Bed Rest – let Sarah Bilston prescribe you some of the same, so you can enjoy our brilliant Book of the Month!

About the novel
Can you live your life without leaving your bed?

Quinn Boothroyd, or Q to her friends, is a successful young English lawyer married to Tom and living in New York. Six months pregnant with her first child, she is thrown into chaos when her doctor tells her she must spend three months on bed rest.

But just because Q cannot leave the apartment, it doesn’t mean the world stands still. Thanks to a constant stream of visitors, Q gradually finds herself re-examining her priorities – her marriage, relationships with family and friends, and her job, with some very surprising, funny and touching results . . .

Five annoying things to say to someone on bed rest . . .

1. Bed rest . . . mmm, sounds good, could do with a bit of that myself. Aren’t you having a lovely time?
2. Yadda yadda yadda . . . seriously, why don’t you come to my party on Saturday?
3. You’re being very selfish, sis . . . I could really do with some help with Mum/Dad/Great-auntie Freda/our new dog. Can’t you just take a day off?
4. The church/town council/school really needs contributions for its cake sale/pot luck/fund raiser, do you think you could rustle something up?
5. What, you mean you can’t put the older kids to bed? What kind of a mother are you?

What not to wear on bed rest

‘Buy yourself some nice clothes’, my husband said the other week. You have maternity clothes for the office, you have maternity clothes for slobbing about at home, but you don’t have maternity clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Go out shopping and don’t come back until you’ve maxed out your credit card. (He didn’t actually say that, but I’m sure it’s what he meant. Well, sort of.)

So I did. Not that the experience was as blissful as it might have been pre-pregnancy (it’s not the bump I mind, it’s the flabby neck and thickened ankles) but still, I arrived home with a satisfactory collection of slinky clothes in oversized bags and rustling tissue paper.

Then came bed rest.
 
Now I’m back in my shapeless gray jogging pants and chocolate stained T-shirt, and frankly I can’t see much point in strapping myself into a lace-edged baby-doll for the sole edification of Jerry Springer. Plus I can’t wear anything with zips or buttons or fiddly fasteners on the left hand side, for obvious reasons, nor anything plunging or excessively detailed, because it gets all twisted from a day on the sofa and I can’t stand up to right myself.
 
I should really return everything I’ve just bought. Oh wait, I forgot. I can’t leave the house . . .

What you do when . . .
This morning my husband left for work AND FORGOT TO LEAVE MY CAKE BY THE SOFA.

Now I want that cake. If I close my eyes, I can see it. I can smell it. I can almost taste it. It’s a truffle torte sort of a thing, dense and intense, with a cocoa dusting on the top. My friend Brianna brought it yesterday. It is nestling in a deep, sky-blue cardboard box laced with gold ribbon.

On the kitchen counter.
 
In a normal life this wouldn’t be a problem. I would simply stand up, walk into the kitchen, and get the cake. But its absence poses a serious problem for the bed resting woman. I’ve been told to stay completely still. To rest in bed at all times. Don’t fix yourself a bowl of cereal, my doctor told me; don’t get up to make yourself food. She specifically said that. Don't get up to make yourself food. No unnecessary activity whatsoever.
And so the cake rests peacefully in the kitchen, uncut and untasted. Meanwhile I lie here, drooling slightly. Longing, longing for that small slice of heaven.

Resources to pass the time

Subservient Chicken
Make a giant chicken do whatever you want. What’s not to like? Plus you can make him do the things you want to do but can’t (e.g. stand up).

Sotheby’s
Browse catalogues. Imagine filling the room that is now replete with take-out boxes with priceless objets d’art instead.

Laboratorio del Gelato 
Got bizarre pregnancy food fetishes but no means of satisfying them? Go to this website and drool over images of tarragon and pink pepper gelato.

Name that Candy Bar
Can you name the candy bar from a cross-section image? Yes, you can! Not a great choice when your husband’s late home with the groceries, though.

Find a Grave
Type in your due date to find out who your little one might share a birthday with. Then investigate your birthday. And your partner’s. And everyone you’ve ever met. Then see where Marilyn Monroe is buried. Many hours will pass, trust me.