Paul Burston: Why I'll Never Be a Gay Divorcee

First off, let me just make it clear that I have no intention of ever becoming a gay divorcee. I may have written a book called The Gay Divorcee, and I may be a dedicated follower of fashion, but I have no plans to follow in the footsteps of Matt Lucas and join the ranks of gay men who married their partners in civil ceremonies only to break up with them a year or so later.

My husband and I got hitched on Tower Bridge in September 2007, and when I said I was making a lifelong commitment, I meant it. Our registrar, Marcia, was an elegant black woman with elaborately-painted fingernails who personally fought hard for this legislation back when Ken Livingstone was still mayor. She was a tough cookie, was Marcia. With nails. It was nice knowing that she was on our side.

For the ceremony, we chose three songs - 'Make You Love' by Vanessa Daou, 'I Wanna Love You' by Bob Marley and 'Amazing' by George Michael. Obviously there were no hymns or prayers or religious overtones. Maybe our ceremony wasn’t conducted in the eyes of God, but then I stopped believing in God when I was eight years old, so it really didn’t matter to me one way or the other.

What does matter is that right here, right now, in my lifetime, gay men and women are finally able to form legally binding partnerships and have their relationships recognised by the state if not the church. (And really, would you want your relationship recognised by an institution which has done more to persecute gay people than any other in history? No, me neither).

Whether this amounts to 'gay marriage' is a matter of some dispute among gay activists, with some people arguing that civil partnerships are a pale imitation of the real thing and that it should be gay marriage or nothing. My own take on it is this: We had a wedding photographer. We had a wedding list and a honeymoon. My mum bought herself a new hat. Right now our wedding photo is hanging on her living room wall next to those of my two sisters. Everyone who was present on the day referred to it as our wedding. So as far as I’m concerned, that’s exactly what it was. And as Shakespeare so wisely wrote in Romeo and Juliet, "What’s in a name?"

That said, I never refer to the man I married as my 'civil partner'. It sounds so businesslike, as if we weren’t lovers at all but a pair of very polite solicitors. No, he’s my husband. And my husband he shall remain, as long as we both shall live.

Paul Burston

The Gay Divorcee by Paul Burston is out next week, publishing on 7th May.

Brilliantly funny, heart warming and brimming with bittersweet observations on life, The Gay Divorcee is a hugely entertaining tale of love, marriage and the lies that happen in between. This new novel from Paul Burston has been described by Susie Boyt as "vivid, charming and romantic", and as "immensely enjoyable" by Julian Clary.

Watch an interview with Paul about his writing at: www.homovision.tv.

More details at: www.paulburston.com or on Facebook at the 'The Gay Divorcee' group page. For details of readings and book signings go to www.myspace.com/paulburston.

Hannah Torjussen

Posted 01/05/2009 16:26:11 by Darren Turpin with 1 comments.