Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or with dog food in it. If he’s done the dirty, you could get upset about it. Or you could try one of these ten terrible tricks. This is vengeance most horrid – and remember, you didn’t hear it here . . .
1. Sell everything he loves on eBay for a pound. Who says money can’t buy love?
2. Make a delicious meat pie for him – with dog food. Don’t get upset about it, (pedigree) chum
3. Sew prawns into his curtains. Fiddly work but worth the trouble. And if you don’t have a needle and thread, a crumbled fish stock cube in his car radiator should also do the trick
4. Put hair removal cream in his shampoo bottle. Hair today, gone tomorrow
5. Cancel his Sky subscription just before the big cup match. Ha ha ha. Ha
6. Secretly replace his trousers with pairs that are two sizes too small and remark that he’s looking a ‘bit tubby’. There’s nothing like appealing to his vanity
7. Flirt with his brother/boss/best friend/dad. However complex things between you may seem, remember you can keep it simple: it’s that old alpha thing. Just look at monkeys in the zoo – they’ll be pulling hairs off any man too free with his bananas
8. Post flyers advertising free pizza giveaway at his house. For whenever hunger strikes, any time day or night, just call this number . . .
9. Turn all his clocks back by ten minutes so he slowly starts to annoy all his friends and relatives by being late, not to mention missing trains, meetings etc. Sabotage!
10. Sprinkle watercress seeds into his carpet while he’s on holiday. Water liberally and turn up the heating. What? He doesn’t like salad?
Posted 11/03/2008 15:36:36 by The Between the Sheets team with 0 comments.