Essential Dating Advice from the Mind Gym

Thrive amongst the throng: how to get that elusive second date...

Jennifer Aniston has it. George Clooney, Cameron Diaz and Russell Brand definitely have it. What is it? Charisma. We want to be around them, we want to be like them. We'd especially love to date them (or someone like them).

So how can we turn on the charm and secure that all-important second date?

Luckily, charisma is not something we're born with. It's something that we can all learn. Try these tips to help you become the person people want more of.

Create Your Own Luck

Hope is attractive. According to psychologists, optimists live longer, do better at work and have more fun than pessimists. Optimists even have better relationships (lucky them).

So how can we translate this luck to love? Like anything that's worth pursuing, it takes practice. For one week, focus on being more optimistic in your approach to everything. Whether it's managing the budget at work, finding a new flat, or getting to the second date, think lucky. When you catch yourself saying something negative, reword it. Listen out for other people's dark thoughts and help them see the light. You'll soon get the hang of it. And the upshot? Not only will your positive thinking help you stick to the budget and find a great flat, but you'll also become more attractive (lucky you).

Share Your Passions

Besides being exceptionally beautiful, women like Angelina Jolie and Carla Bruni are no wallflowers. They are passionate and aren't afraid to show it. Jolie draws people in with her enthusiasm for her various causes, whilst Bruni, not content with being France's first lady, continues to express herself through her music career.

When we show how much we care, people can't help but pay attention. From snowboarding to jewelry making, saving the planet to freshwater fishing and fine art, whatever you're in to, let it out.

Be Generous

How was your day? OK.

How was your day? I was at work.

How was your day? Really lovely. At lunch I caught up with an old friend. We walked through the park and frost had settled on the branches of the trees. It looked like a winter wonderland and reminded me of my childhood Christmases in Scotland.

Interesting people are generous with their answers; they share details, colours and flavours. How you can captivate your audience? When your date asks, 'How was your day?' what will you say?

Create Connections

When we click with someone, we go with the flow. I move when you move, we talk at the same pace and tone. We laugh together. We use the same kinds of words and even make gestures at the same time. At best, we finish each other's sentences. When it happens naturally it's a lovely feeling, but if it doesn't, don't fret. The good news is that we can give natural synergy a nudge. Try these to get you in sync:

- Speak at the same volume, pace, tempo and rhythm.
- Reflect similar body language, e.g. are they leaning towards you? Do they have their legs crossed, are they gesturing a lot?
- Get truly involved in the conversation by demonstrating that you're listening (and value what they say). Refer back to something funny or interesting that they said prior to, or earlier in the date.

Be warned though, too much and you could come across as fake. Just be subtle and it will come naturally. You'll know it's working when you laugh, and they laugh too.

Tell Stories

In his victory speech, US president Barack Obama told how "Change has come to America" through the eyes of 106-year-old Ann Nixon Cooper. He took the audience on her journey. We felt the "heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress" that she did. Obama's beautifully crafted stories, packed with impact words and passion, won the heart of a nation. What story can you tell to win the heart of your date?

We all have plenty of stories to tell. The trick is to tell them well. Far better to wax lyrical about your Amazonian adventures, than to simply say you like taking eco holidays.

To get your story heading in the right direction, here are four vital elements that you'll need to think about:

- A protagonist (you on your travels)
- A predicament (poachers were hunting endangered monkeys)
- The narrative (on a trek with native guides you foil their evil plans by capturing the whole thing on film)
- The resolution (the authorities take note and employ guards, funded by sustainable tourism)

A story well told should engage and delight as well as make a great point (in this case: what an eco hero you are, without being arrogant of course).

Surprise

Unconventional responses to familiar situations get our attention and stay in our memory. And charismatic people do it a lot. When Tom Cruise leapt on to Oprah's sofa to declare his undying love for Katie Holmes, we thought he was a little mad, but we sat up and took notice. What can you do to stay in the hearts and minds of the daters who've seen it all? Try dating with a twist. Skydiving might come out of the blue, but the rush will last long after you land, whilst attending an auction is a great way to get to know each other's tastes. Think beyond your local bar to get beyond the first date.

Visit www.themindgym.com/books for more information!

Posted 12/02/2009 11:14:35 by Darren Turpin with 0 comments.